"I remember throwin' punches around and preachin' from my chair." - The Who, Who Are You?
Sometimes I get so pissed, I just want to hit someone, but I’ve never been a punch thrower, so my blows, while deserved, will remain virtual.
On November 30th a 59-year-old female crossing guard was guiding about 20 children across the street in Florence, California - that is to say L.A. - when a Ford Expedition refused to stop at the crosswalk. The Expedition is in a line of Ford SUVs that include the Explorer, the Excursion, and if the naming convention continues presumably coming soon, the Exaltation, the Exasperation and finally the Excretion. The crossing guard said something like, “The children come first” to the driver of the big stupid boat and before she could get back to the safety the curb, that driver’s girlfriend jumped overboard and started punching her. The driver joined his lovely partner and the two of them punched and hit the crossing guard to the ground, and then stole her whistle and stop sign, I suppose as souvenirs. They have been arrested and charged with robbery, but for some reason not assault.
Some speculate that the charming couple was suffering from road rage, as if road rage a virus that can be breathed in to settle in some corner of the brain, ready to cause tomfoolery. I think they are suffering from being insufferable narcissists. Especially when you consider that he was unwilling to stop for the children crossing the street, but had no problem stopping to deliver a beating to a woman 6 years from retirement, making $9.50 an hour to see those same children safely to school, because she disrespected the authority of his truck.
When I read about this charming couple I wished I could start throwing punches but I’m sure both of them have been on the receiving end of beatings before and likely failed to understand whoever was delivering them, considering how poorly they seem to react to mundane daily obstacles, and another beating would hardly equal the devastation their attack caused to the crossing guard. She had a mild heart attack and has since quit her job. They will probably end up in jail for awhile, and then get released into the wild, free to attack the next poor soul to have the audacity to “dis” them or their car. And what the hell is it with cars anyway? I’ve owned a few but none whose honor I would defend with physical violence. Aren’t cars just appliances like toasters or washing machines?
Punch: Expedition driver and girlfriend.
This month a 23-year-old woman in San Francisco went to the San Francisco DMV to change her name and her gender on her San Francisco addressed California driver’s license. I mention San Francisco several times in the preceding sentence because most people think of San Francisco as the most gay friendly place in our nation, even more than professional wrestling, and what happened to this woman when she made these requests of the DMV seems very unfriendly, to say the least.
The DMV clerk, Thomas Demartini, processed her request and it should have ended there, but it didn’t. Mr. Demartini then sent a letter to the woman’s home telling her that her homosexual behavior was "an abomination that leads to hell," as if a day spent at the DMV isn't already hell. He also sent her name and address to his church, The Most Holy Family Monastery, who then sent a DVD to the woman, arriving the same day as the letter. The DVD, it has been reported, warned of “eternal damnation for anyone ‘possessed by demons’ of homosexuality.” Included in the package with the DVD was a charming little pamphlet that showed hearts torn from bodies. Pardon my texting but WTF? The DMV suspended Mr. Demartini and said his actions were unpresented, although this same man reportedly refused to process a gender change on a license for another woman in 2009. Mr. Demartini has since resigned.
I work at a place where I have access to our customer’s private information, including names, addresses, phone numbers, logins, passwords, and even social security numbers. I had to go through training and sign a paper saying that I understood if I divulged any of this information I could/would face criminal prosecution. I would think employees of the Department of Motor Vehicles would go though similar training and most likely sign a similar document. Also, if there is a form or process to change your gender at the DMV, then it is outside of Mr. Demartini’s authority to deny these requests. The DMV is currently investigating this and will come to a decision soon. But what is soon for the DMV? Nothing less than criminal prosecution is acceptable. Oh, and Mr. Demartini, considering your views on homosexual behavior, you might want to keep a tight grip on that soap in the jailhouse shower.
Punch: Thomas Demartini.
Texas Rangers pitcher Cliff Lee just signed a $120 million+ contract with the Philadelphia Phillies. A lot has been said about him turning down a contract for more money, $30 million more, to play for the Yankees. But that was for more years and the $120 million he did get is still quite a bit of money. In fact, if he is so inclined, he could purchase 2 private jets with what he will earn the first year. His lowest paying year. Also, when his contract is over with Philly he could negotiate a deal with them or another team at the 2015 prices, which should be considerably more. So there is no need to put Mr. Lee on a pedestal as the first professional athlete to turn away from greed.
With his signing the Phillies have a very powerful starting rotation in Halladay, Oswalt, Hamels, and now Lee. Most, hell all, of the baseball reporters at ESPN have ordained it as the best in baseball and one of the best of all time. The only thing left to speculation is who they will face in the World Series in 2011. But the lowly Giants, just happened to win the World Series in 2010 by defeating Halladay, defeating Oswalt, defeating Hamels, and defeating Lee twice. Sure, the Phillies have and amazing rotation and will most likely be around in the playoffs, but to anoint them all the way to late October, or early November without a single pitch having been thrown is just lazy. Or is it just the East Coast bias that is as much a part of ESPN as rehearsed banter and migraine inducing set design?
Punch and pile driver: ESPN and all other baseball “journalists” who wrote “Phillies National League Championship 2011” in stone.
