Again with the Aliens?

"The Statue of Liberty is kaput? That's disconcerting."

-Tom Hanks, Saving Private Ryan

There is a movie coming out this week called, “Battle: Los Angeles.” The trailer for this movie has been showing up on my TV for a couple of weeks now. What I can glean from that trailer is that the world comes under attack by aliens, again, and the majority of the ensuing onscreen battle takes place in and around Los Angeles. Thus the title. The bits of dialog suggest that most of the world’s major cities have been destroyed and Los Angeles becomes the last line of defense. In fact, in the trailer, while images of destruction are thrown up on the screen, there is a snippet of an unseen person of presumed authority announcing something along the lines of, “We can’t lose Los Angeles.” God forbid. Sure New York is toast, London is blacker than during the Industrial Revolution, and Hong Kong is plain gone, but we can’t lose the capital of drive by shootings, and water theft.

I’m all for blowing stuff up, particularly L.A., but I’ll probably wait to watch this movie when it is put on DVD, unless its rating allows me to take my boys to the theater, and I win free tickets somehow. This seems unlikely since the movie looks to be a cross between Independence Day and Blackhawk Down and I haven't entered any contests for tickets. As far as alien attack/end of the world disaster movies go there is one thing missing in this trailer though; gratuitous destruction of major landmarks. In the aforementioned Independence Day we got to see not only the fiery end of the White House and the U.S. Capitol, but also the Empire State Building. There was also the direct hit by an alien space ship on some dull building in L.A. that I guess the makers of the movie assumed we would recognize. In other moves the Golden Gate Bridge, the Washington Monument, and even the Eiffel Tower have been taken out. It also begs the question, "why is it that the most recognized landmark in L.A. has always escaped destruction." I’m talking about the castle at Disneyland. I suppose even and alien invasion force that could dispatch the world’s military would think twice about taking on Disney’s lawyers.

In reading about the movie online, I came across the blurb, “It's up to a Marine Staff Sergeant (Aaron Eckhart) and his new platoon to draw a line in the sand as they take on an enemy unlike any they've ever encountered before.” Not bad. After all those cities are destroyed, defended by what I assume are vast armies, navies, and air forces, a single platoon will stop the evil invaders on the beaches of Redondo. Well, as it turns out, Mr. Eckhart has added to his platoon an Air Force Sergeant played by Michelle Rodriguez, who happened to be the only helicopter pilot in Avatar that took the side of the Avatar people. (Sorry, I forgot what those shinny blue people in that movie were called). As far as I’m concerned, if Ms. Rodriguez applies war paint to her face and bear arms, as she did in Avatar, I see great victories for the platoon led by Two Face.

One thing in this trailer that caught my eye is the destruction of a large Coast Guard cutter by the invading insects/lizards/jellyfish/whatever. I recognize the cutter as the same kind as I was stationed on in 1981 through 1983. Those cutters are called either High Endurance cutters, Hamilton Class cutters, Hero Class cutters depending on what they are named or who you are talking to, or simply 378s because they are 378 feet long. I don’t know how the scene plays out; if the cutter is just cruising by and gets in the line of fire, or if the crew puts themselves in harm’s way to protect the people on shore. I’d like to think the latter. And why are there no Coasties in the platoon that draws that line in the sand formally protected by Pamela Anderson on Baywatch? How much more interesting would this movie be if instead of hardened Marines and kick-ass Avatar pilots going paratrooper-boot-toe to tough-alien-footwear-toe with space invaders intent on world destruction, they faced the crew of a 40-plus-year-old Coast Guard cutter who were wearing Sperry Topsiders? Imagine the new tag line, "It's up to a Third Class Coast Guard Boatswain’s Mate (Aaron Eckhart) and his patched together deck crew to paint a line on the deck as they take on an enemy unlike any other, because they haven’t before.”