Photoshop 'Till you Drop

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The Lord is my shepherd
He leadeth me in pastures green
He gave us this day
Our daily bread and gasoline.

-Mark Knopfler, Balony Again

If location, location, location is the mantra of the business and real estate world, then timing, timing, timing should probably serve the same purpose for the world of corporate damage control. Yes, you want a home in a nice neighborhood or a business where your target customers will find it, but you probably also want your good news, that comes after 85 unrelenting days of bad news, to come at a time when it can stand on its own, strong and tough, and perhaps just as importantly, unsullied.

Just when BP got a plug in the massive oil leak at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, when they finally got a finger in the dike, when for just a moment it looked like no more oil would be added to the country-sized turtle-killing glob that has already escaped, when the hero strode in and said, “everything is going to be okay,” another example of their corporate cut-and-paste mindset walked in and barfed on his shoes. Remember the Caribbean walrus they were worried about?

This weekend BP posted on their website a photo of workers diligently staring at 10 screens that monitor underwater images of the leaking oil well. Inasmuch as you and stare diligently. That image had been altered to show more workers than were actually in the room when the photo was taken, and images had been pasted on two screens that were blank in the original photo.

BP took down the image and said it was just a company photographer showing off his Photoshop skills, and that they were not trying to fool anyone. I hope they weren’t trying to fool anyone, because how could it matter? I don’t have the skill set to decide that there were too few technicians in that room or that too few monitors were lit. Who does? Hell, eight screens pointing at one spot on the ocean floor seems like overkill to me already. Look, I really believe there are people currently working for BP who are trying everything they can think of to stop this leak, and that it really bothers those same people that they haven’t been able to.

I also understand that oil, or our need for oil, is not going away any time soon. Aside from fueling our cars we need oil for a million other uses. Let's just try not too spill so much and have a plan for cleaning it up if we do.

I don’t believe, however, the line about the company photographer showing off is Photoshop skills any more than I believe people actually pay to watch Adam Sandler movies. If you take a look, not a long look either, at the photo it’s easy to see it has been altered, and altered poorly. If those skills allow you to get and keep a photographer job with BP, perhaps I should send them a resume because dude, your “Photoshop skills” suck. What I think is they have guys whose job it is to stomp out fires and it’s like the saying, “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” So I guess when you’re a clueless corporate fire stomper-outer, you see fires everywhere, and you just start a-stompin’.

So BP, we’re all behind you on your efforts to stop the oil leaking and we don’t need “proof” that you’re working on it. But please stop pissing in our coffee and telling us it's cream.