And the Oscar Goes To...

I have a favorite new word. It has replaced meh, which is a word that may have been coined on The Simpsons. Meh is defined as meaning, “whateverness.” An example of its use in conversation;
First person says, “What do you think of the United States advancing in the World Cup?”
Second person answers, “Meh,” and shrugs his shoulders.

Speaking of the World Cup, it is from there that my new favorite word has been born. There are many people, I’m sure, who follow soccer on a regular basis that have been aware of this word for awhile, but not being one of those people, it’s new to me. The word is…flopping.

Flopping can be loosely defined as acting with intent to receive advantage, or perhaps maybe lying for gain. Here is what it is; flopping is when a soccer player flings himself to the ground when he and a player or players from the opposite team make contact, or appear to make contact, or are on the same field, or are in the same zip code, or may have met once, and writhes in pain. In includes, but is not limited to, the scrunching up of the face and the clutching of the knee, ankle, foot, head, or the ever popular groin. Some players have been known to go as far as to clutch a fellow player's groin, as seen the the graphic below.

What the “injured” player is looking for is a penalty so he can get a free kick. Because free kicks are much easier that running down the field with the ball, maneuvering it around other players, and then kicking it past the opposing goalie through a goal that is only twice as big as the average American garage door. That would be four times as big as the average European garage door, and twice as big as the square footage of the average South American’s home.

But that’s only half of the story. If the ref doesn’t see eye-to-eye with the actor (player), then that player will pull the greatest resurrection act since Lazareth. Like someone throwing a switch he’ll pop up like a spring daisy and dash off in search of the next opportunity to vie for an Oscar.

Now I’ve talked to others who think this behavior is inexcusable. But I argue that it may be what will finally bring the USA around to the rest of the world’s appreciation of the game. Americans find soccer boring, although I don’t know how any society can call any sport where participants actually run boring, when that society will sit around and watch other people sit around and play poker, or play worse, golf. But American’s do say soccer is slow and there is too little scoring. So why not add an element to the game that will hold our collective interest? Also soccer games can, and often do, end in a tie, an outcome that is simply unpalatable to the American…palate.

They could give out awards like Best Approximation of a Descended Testicle, or maybe Most Lifelike Representation of a Ruptured Spleen. Maybe to prevent ties, a point could be given to whichever team garners one of these awards.

Maybe flopping will catch on and become commonplace in other areas or arenas? Imagine your boss’s chagrin if when called on the carpet, you throw yourself to that carpet, grab your head, and yell, “Foul!” Think of the opportunity flopping provides the driver who gets pulled over for speeding? The offending motorists could leap out the window of his car and roll around in the gutter screaming about a torn meniscus or broken femur. The possibilities are endless.